Open Your Heart After Trauma: Shadow Work | Keri Nola
episode 46
Therapist-turned-intuitive mentor Keri Nola joins Jess to explore ego death, shadow work, and the brave act of opening your heart after trauma. We talk boundaries vs. armor, how trauma blocks receiving, and a gentler path to “mature manifestation” so you can reclaim power and let life meet you.
What we cover
Ego death as a soul nudge toward your next chapter
Boundaries ≠ armor: why shutdown blocks receiving
Body-based steps to find & thaw hidden blocks
Minimizing yourself as a misuse of power (solar plexus work)
Receptivity vs. receiving vs. taking
A beginner-friendly journal prompt + two mantras you can use today
May this conversation be a soft place to land as you practice opening again.
Chapters
00:00 Ego death, body signals
01:06 Trigger warning + welcome
01:54 Closing a thriving practice
03:25 Following a soul call
05:14 Feeling rooted, fast
06:39 Provision meets truth
08:20 Jess goes all-in
09:50 Boundaries vs. armor
12:13 “What am I afraid of if life improves?”
14:45 Safe support, slow healing
18:31 Parts work & inner conflict
21:11 Self-respect vs. self-compassion
24:00 What shadow work really is
26:24 Facing what’s hidden
27:57 “You’ll only get what you’re ready for”
29:56 Taking up space
31:21 Belonging & being disliked
33:03 Healing isn’t linear
34:47 Oracle reading setup
38:17 Card 1: Uneven Exchange (sacral) + mantra
41:30 Card 2: Power (solar plexus) + mantra
44:56 Womb healing: releasing shame
46:33 Gentle journal prompt
48:10 Receptivity vs. taking
50:11 Mature manifestation
52:09 Curiosity in hard seasons
55:25 Opening the heart again
58:43 Keri’s behind-the-scenes practices
59:56 What “Life After Trauma” means to Keri + where to find her
Resources & Links
Keri Nola — offerings, readings, journal: kerinola.com
Mantra (Card 1: Uneven Exchange / Sacral): “I am worthy of being in balanced relationship with giving and receiving in a way that deeply resonates with the full essence of me.”
Mantra (Card 2: Power / Solar Plexus): “I am worthy of standing firmly in the truth of who I am. This is the home of my divine power.”
Journal prompt: “If I knew I could trust what would be revealed, I would be willing to open myself to…”
Declaration: “I’m willing to see what I need to see, hear what it’s time to hear, feel what I’m ready to feel, and heal what is prioritizing for healing.”
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Keri Nola (00:00.088)
Traditional medicine could find nothing to make sense of this tremendous back pain and heart palpitations and fatigue. And it was one of my spiritual teachers that said, you you are dying, but not the kind of death you think. This is an ego death. You need to face the music here that it's time for an aspect of you and your life to die so that something new can be reborn. And in that instant, I just heard, close your practice. And I was...
terrified. The energy of this new place and this new me was profound and it really had me feeling rooted in a way that I didn't even know I needed, didn't even know was possible. It was just one of those things where the universe knows better than we do most of the time.
Jess Vanrose (01:05.698)
This episode contains discussions of trauma, abuse, and other potentially sensitive topics that may be activating for some listeners. Please take care while listening and pause if you need to. Your well-being is what matters most.
Hi, Keri. Welcome to Life After Trauma. I am so grateful to have you here.
Hello, it's so good to be here.
We have tried to do this now so many times and we are going to hope for the best here.
Yes, we are. The listeners don't yet know the journey we have been on to hit record and have it work, but we have been persistent.
Jess Vanrose (01:53.598)
Exactly. And my audience that comes back all the time, you may notice that I'm in a different setting, which is part of the struggle that we have been having to get to this recording. But I think today's the day. Today is the day, Keri. We're gonna... We got this.
I'm looking so forward to it. Thank you for having me.
Absolutely, I'm so happy you're here. So you are known as the Shadow Mama and the Receptivity Queen, guiding healers and spiritually aware women to transform pain into power, expand their capacity to receive and live in alignment with their soul's truth. I would love to start with a little bit about your background. You had the courage to close a
thriving psychotherapy practice and move across the country with two suitcases to follow a soul calling. How did you know that you could trust that decision?
know, looking back, having survived it, because that's eight years ago now, I didn't know it at the time. It took a tremendous amount of just trust and also like the history of times when I took risks and they were in alignment with my soul. That evidence was that that stuff tended to work out and I was better for it on the other side. But I didn't know if this was going to be the time when it didn't work. And I was just
Keri Nola (03:25.28)
oops, you know, because on paper, the decision made no sense at all. had a psychotherapy practice, you know, that I loved and I lived across the street from family and life was good, except my body was really struggling and kept giving me symptoms of pay attention, pay attention, pay attention and traditional medicine could find nothing.
to make sense of this tremendous back pain and heart palpitations and fatigue. And it was one of my spiritual teachers that said, you know, you are dying, but not the kind of death you think. This is an ego death. You need to face the music here that it's time for an aspect of you and your life to die so that something new can be reborn. And in that instant, I just heard, close your practice. And I was...
terrified wasn't what I wanted to hear. does not.
shock me that would be terrifying. That's a huge decision. But wow, like, so when you made that move, how long did it take for you to, I guess, realize or know that this was the right move?
It was incredibly quick and probably three or four weeks. Upon moving here, I met who has now been my mentor for nearly a decade and my work with him and just meeting the community and really leaning into the energy of this new place and this new me was profound. And it really had me feeling rooted in a way that I didn't even know I needed, didn't even know was possible.
Keri Nola (05:14.41)
It was just one of those things where the universe knows better than we do most of the time. It's like I knew my little life in my little town with my business and my practice, but you don't know what you don't know. And I didn't know what else was available until I got a taste of it and my body, my mind, my spirit were like this, like I want more of this. And I knew I had made the right decision within a
love that. And when you're describing that, it's making me think of, like, the feeling that I got when you said it was that it would almost feel like an exhale.
Mm. I love that. Yes.
You were just letting go or maybe like melting into what like the universe was calling you to do.
Very much. That's such a beautiful way to describe it. It just felt like there was finally like a cushion here, like rest here, here. You know, let it be easy. And granted, I was still afraid of certain things. The cost of living from where I was to where I moved was three times higher. I live in one of the most expensive places to live in the United States. And on paper, again, didn't make sense, didn't know how I was going to do it.
Keri Nola (06:39.394)
was still supporting a home and an office in Florida before I made the move and needed, was kind of upholding both lives for a period of time. But what I was reminded of in that experience and in so many others is like when we do what's true and we're walking in the most authentic direction, provision meets us there. Like the resources arrive to back us up and...
You know, I was getting calls and new clients and new opportunities and I felt better. So I was also able to, you know, use more energy and make more connections. And that made a world of difference. It was like I was able to be magnetic in a way that I used to know, but started to dwindle over time as a different version of me in my life were calling. And it wasn't until I answered it that I felt that relief and got that upgrade.
I don't know if you know just how much I needed to hear that right now. So for the listeners, a little bit of an update on me. So I have been working in the legal field and that career just ended a month ago and I am now fully in on the podcast and I have some other projects that are related and tied to it that will be coming soon. But
I am very much in that phase of waiting for the provisions to... But knowing that this is 100 % what I'm supposed to be doing, I can feel it, you know?
Yeah.
Keri Nola (08:19.318)
Yeah, I'm so glad that my story and experience could bring that sense of comfort. know, we often we're all going through our own version of transition and being asked to surrender and trust. And it's a lot. And I feel like that's why we need each other, you know, to walk through these passageways together, to hear each other's stories and to know that we're not alone. We all have those seasons.
Yeah, exactly. So you have said that trauma creates blocks to receiving what's meant for us. Can you walk us through what those blocks actually look like in daily life? Yeah.
Well, the way that I actually discovered this, I wanna give a little background, is my specialty in practice when I was a psychotherapist was sexual trauma. And when we receive without permission, that creates trauma and then we have a decision to make. And oftentimes to protect ourselves, that decision is I'm not going to make myself available. I'm going to close down. I'm going to have boundaries which...
You know, oftentimes what we think are boundaries is actually armor. A boundary keeps out what doesn't belong, but it allows what is needed to come in. Whereas armor is like nothing in, nothing out. This is like lockdown. And for survival, those mechanisms get put into place and over time they build and build and build. And it makes it challenging for us to feel safe, to relate to life.
And that can create blocks, you know, we can keep out relationships or the quality or standard of relationship that we're actually desiring and deserving of that can keep out resources, opportunities, it can keep us disconnected from the divine. So where we don't hear creative downloads and information and wisdom that could.
Keri Nola (10:21.858)
connect us to a next meaningful step. While I'm not practicing in that way anymore as I started helping entrepreneurs to step into their purpose, I was finding that it's not as simple as do this, that, and the other thing. I know the marketing plan. I know the three steps that I read on every Facebook post about what I need to do to market. But when I go to do those things,
nothing happens or I feel paralyzed or I'm frozen or I'm doing it but I'm not being responded to. So I started noticing that in a lot of people. It wasn't unique to anyone in particular. It was a theme across the board and not just with sexual trauma, it's emotional trauma. It's anytime we're hurt and we decide that it's not safe to be in the world, to relate, to connect, to be big in our energy.
It creates contraction, shutdown, and we need to know where those places are. We need to thaw them out, and we need to become available so that life can move toward us and we become available to it again. Wow.
So how do we find those blocks within us? And then what do you think would be that first step in sawing that?
Yeah, such a great question. I wish the answer, on the one hand, the answer is really simple, but on the other, it takes time and commitment. so it's fun, a willingness. Like if something's not going the way that you know it could go in your heart of hearts, if you are not feeling that fulfillment, if your relationships or your purpose life or you're just not feeling that fulfillment, then that's a clue.
Keri Nola (12:12.992)
okay, there might be something here. And a question you could ask yourself is what am I afraid would happen if the quality of my life improved? And it might sound kind of silly because it's like nothing, I'm not afraid of anything. I want the thing that I say that I want. I want the partner, I wanna be treated better, I want more resources, I want more joy, I want more health. And of course, there's an aspect of you that absolutely wants that and is ready for it.
We wanna make contact with the part that is scared of that or doesn't know what to do with that or doesn't relate to feeling worthy or deserving of that. So once you touch that fear, I would ask you, where do you feel that in your body? And again, could be a simple question, but when we've spent so much time not feeling safe in our body, being disconnected from our body, you might have to ask that question again and again and again.
that begins that thawing process that starts to connect us with, ooh, I didn't even realize I'm holding my tummy in or ooh, I'm holding my breath or there's a little tenseness in this left shoulder. And these things can be very subtle or they can be super significant. You might notice them right away or it might reveal over time.
So I say that it's like, it's as complex and as simple as that. This isn't really magic. It's bringing presence and awareness to things that have been out of your awareness. And through that, yes, there are sometimes interventions and other steps that need to happen, but never underestimate the power of presence and like the wisdom of the body to once you bring your attention to it, for it to know what to do, to soften and let go.
and give you more access to inspiration, information, and what you need to know next.
Jess Vanrose (14:12.054)
completely resonate with this. I've had people come to me and ask me for advice on something and I'll usually just tell them like you already know the answer. I can try and help you get to it but you already know and it's so true though that our bodies know exactly what we need and it is hard though like you said to get to that point of
coming back into your body and reconnecting. And especially I find being able to pinpoint where that sensation is, where you're actually holding that block and then being able to name it. Because I feel like being able to name it is important, but that is really hard to do.
Absolutely, and there's naming it and then there's feeling safe enough to feel it. It's like a lot of this has been stored for a long time and it's been stored for good reason because it doesn't feel good and it's not easy. And when we don't have the support at the time of a trauma and we don't feel safe, we don't feel seen, we don't feel heard, that is like, okay, well, I'll tuck away. And when it's safe later, I'll come out and I'll have.
you know, the time and space. And I love what you said, like the wisdom of the body and also making sure that when you are seeking support from someone that you're working with someone who is helping you to come back home to yourself. They're not pretending to be the expert on you and your body, your process. They're not
perpetuating the trauma by doing things without your consent or permission or pushing you beyond your range. Trauma work is often, it can be miraculous, but it can also be slow and steady. And it requires the nervous system to open little by little by little for the change to be sustainable. Sometimes there is a spontaneous healing and.
Keri Nola (16:18.008)
You know, we're in a dense three-dimensional reality here and things take time in this body and we don't want to rush it because that has consequences too. So it's okay to pace yourself and to be picky about who you welcome onto the journey of supporting you.
Completely, yes. Often people feel like they're doing everything they can to move forward, but it's as if something keeps pulling them back or splitting them in different directions. How does trauma create that inner conflict? And what does it take to bring ourselves back into alignment so we can move forward with clarity?
I love this question. You know, what occurs to me is that when we have something from the past that needs our attention and we're not tending to it, I think sometimes we think we're tending to something, but from what energy are we actually doing that? Often it's like, I want to be done with this. I want this part of me to go away. I want to fix this. Something is broken, right? And parts of us don't, imagine saying that to a friend of yours. Just get over it.
you know, get rid of this part of you, this is ridiculous, you should be over this by now, it's happened so long ago. We would probably not be saying that to someone that we loved. But yet, it's the approach that we often take to healing ourselves or attempting to heal ourselves and then we wonder why it's not working, why we're stuck, why we're in conflict. So step one, notice how you're actually approaching your healing. You've got
an aspect of you from the past that is suffering and struggling, and then you have the present day aspect of you that wants to move forward, that wants to feel better, that wants to feel free. And the way that we reconcile that is to take our present day self, turn it toward that past self that is hurting, that is suffering. And we bring care and compassion there. We find out what does that part of us need? What do you need to feel safe, to feel secure, to...
Keri Nola (18:31.118)
trust me to help us walk forward out of that dark season into the beauty of this present moment.
really love that answer. It feels like that kind of ties in with like inner child work as well.
very much, parts work, inner child work. And I don't think there are some aspects of inner child therapy that kind of make it seem like we grow up our parts and then we don't have them anymore. And sometimes I think that can happen, but my experience is more what if there's always a younger aspect of us that just needs a nurturing, loving parent and we have to show up day in and day out and
remind that aspect of us, I'm here, I've got you. You don't have to do the big scary thing alone, right? It's not like, I love it when people, I did inner child work. And I'm not saying that you said this, but I find it interesting as a collective, we have this thing, yeah, I went to therapy in 2001 and I did my inner child work. It's like, honey, no, I do inner child work every day.
was gonna say, I don't feel like the inner child ever goes away because we are, we're always going to be afraid of something. We're always going to have areas where we're struggling with maybe like self-discipline and you kind of have to step in as that parent and be like, well, no, like I know that this is what's best for you so I need you to do it.
Keri Nola (20:05.901)
very much.
Yeah, I don't think that that ever really goes away.
Well, we're on the same page about that. I love that you know that and get that. I think that's where real healing happens. It's more about the relationship that we have with ourselves as we evolve and grow and get relief from certain symptoms, certainly, but also know how to be with those things that we don't prefer, those things that don't feel good. I think that's part of maturing and becoming, know, adulting is learning how to be with discomfort and how to
show up when life gets hard and we have to do things we don't love doing all of the time.
I will say as well, maturing, definitely agree with you that that's part of it. I do think that that is also tied to healing. Because I think that there were times where maybe I wasn't so far along on my healing journey. And that was, I feel like I had so much harder of a time to give myself self-discipline.
Keri Nola (20:47.715)
though.
Keri Nola (21:10.924)
heard something the other day that might fit here and that is the relationship between self-compassion and self-respect. Like when we respect ourselves, which requires a certain level of healing to be done, then all the decisions we make will naturally be self-compassionate because they're made out of respect. But it's also not colluding with like, I don't feel like eating.
healthy today, so I'm going to eat that thing that I know doesn't agree with me because I want it, right? That's like that childish throwing, you know, caution to the wind and it's not really self-respecting, but it might feel compassionate and like we, you know, want it at the time. So I thought that was an interesting distinction.
That's really funny you say that because I can't have dairy and I have been craving a pizza for the last 10 years. Like, do know how many times I have thought, you know what, I'm just, I'm just gonna have it.
Yeah.
I'm just gonna have it and I'll deal with the consequences and every time I am happy to say that I have been able to be like, well, no, because like one, I don't want to feel sick. And two, I want to be able to go to the gym in the morning.
Keri Nola (22:30.446)
Is it going to be worth it? And that's why I use that example because food's a big one for me too. Gluten doesn't agree with me. And my parents owned an Italian restaurant my whole life growing up and specialized in pizza. So I get it. And there's no gluten free pizza. There's some that's delicious, but it's not the same. It's not the same. There's fake cheese, but it's not cheese. It's not the same. I get you. get you. Oh, wow. Yeah.
So let's talk a little bit about shadow work. You are known as the shadow mama. How do you define shadow work and how can working with our shadow actually help us uncover hidden gifts?
are so special. I was doing retreats for a while and they started calling me Shadow Mama and I'm just warmed by that. For me, shadow work is uncovering what is hidden and I think it has, some people really understand that, but for some it feels really scary and they think that only bad things are hidden. And what I want people to hear is that really
incredible aspects of ourselves and our experience can also be hidden from us because so much is kind of buried on top. So there's something really precious about, yes, uncovering the wounding and pain that needs our attention, but underneath that there are treasures and there are aspects of us that we may have been taught.
implicitly or explicitly over time that are not welcome. So I know as a kid, I was incredibly opinionated, very loud. I knew what I liked and didn't like and I would shout it from the rooftops and that's not always convenient for parents. I got the sense that like being who I was in my full expression wasn't really a good thing. It didn't get me the connection or the belonging that I desired. So little by little that got tucked away, be quiet.
Jess Vanrose (24:22.361)
and
Keri Nola (24:37.016)
don't be too loud, people don't wanna see that, don't dance too big, people get jealous, people, you know, all this story. And so as I have uncovered and shined a light in some of those places, I found an element of my authenticity that got to be reintegrated and included in my life. And then I got to find the people and the...
places where who I actually am was welcomed and I don't have to hide myself because it's incredibly expensive emotionally, spiritually, physically to not be ourselves. And it's not free, right? It might get us attention or belonging for a moment, but over time, that stuff that we're not expressing has to go somewhere. And if it's stuck,
and stuffed for long enough, it begins to wreak havoc on our body, our mind, our spirit, and create real challenges that become hard to identify. Like, what is this pain in my stomach? And it's like, was it something I ate? Nope, go back further, go back further. That's like an introduction to the value of shadow work and how I define it.
Yeah, I really love that. If I'm being completely honest with you, I've obviously heard of shadow work. I have not ever dove into shadow work. And there is definitely a block for me with it because I have thought about it on many occasions and I know that I should do it and I need to do it. But anytime that I think about it.
or sit down to do it. I feel
Keri Nola (26:23.374)
Yeah.
And I think it's probably what you said at the beginning. I think I'm afraid of what's going to come up. Because there's like so much, you know? Even though I've been on this healing journey for 15 years now, there is still, I know there's still stuff in there to come up. So I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling this way. So for others who are feeling that block.
What would you recommend to us to help us maybe work through this?
Well, the first thing I'd say is congratulations for your courage to be honest and to go, hey, this is scary and I haven't dove into it yet. The other thing I would say is you've probably been doing it and not known that that's what you were doing. mean, anything that you've excavated, anything that you've brought to the surface, anything that you've looked at and tended to that was once out of your conscious awareness is shadow work. I think-
The scary thing is setting the intention and like walking through the dark cave, right? That's, think, what we think it is. But when we normalize, like, I've already done some of it. I am doing it. And there's also no rush or force. The other thing that I think would be fitting here is your psyche won't give you what you're not ready for. part of it is setting the intention. Like I
Keri Nola (27:57.058)
would like to see what would most support my healing next. And there's a level of trust that you begin to build with your body, with your psyche as that happens, that it won't, you know, you can intend for it to be as gentle as possible, but I'm not gonna lie, this path isn't always rainbows and unicorns. You haven't tucked it away for no reason. You know, when I reconnected with that little girl who had so much to say and so much to express.
It was a beautiful reunion on the one hand, but it was also, brought incredible grief for the amount of time that I was disconnected from that version of myself. And I had been believing I was something different than who and how I actually am at my true essence. And so even in the beauty of that reconnection, there was also some pain to face. But that's what I would say is that you're stronger than you know.
And you've already lived through everything that you will remember, so you've survived it. And now it's reconnecting to the wisdom of that, the learning that you now have and can apply in your life because of it. And you'll only get what you're prepared for. I've been doing this work over 20 years and I've never met anyone who got something that they weren't, they didn't always feel ready for it, but they, with support.
you know, we're able to move through.
Yeah, and I do completely agree with that. I believe that we're given, even if we're not just talking from within ourselves, but from the universe or whatever, I think we are only really sent lessons that we can handle in that moment. Yeah, so I do completely agree with that. I wanted to mention, a couple of times you've mentioned that feeling of feeling small.
Jess Vanrose (29:55.944)
And I wanted to just talk about that a little bit more because I do remember so many times like in my past feeling really small and or feeling like I was too much, like my personality was too much or I'm too loud.
Yes. Yep, I get it.
Yeah, but being able to learn how to embrace that and really becoming confident in who I am and knowing that like I have something to offer. Not only am I worthy of taking up the space, but I also have something to offer and it is totally and completely okay for
some people to feel like I'm too much. That's alright, but that doesn't take away from who I am.
such a beautiful sentiment and truth that part of growing, healing, maturing is being able to tolerate being disliked or having people have a different experience than what we're having. you know, aspects of us are wired to be like right or wrong, good or bad, right? So it's like, if someone doesn't like me, then that means I'm bad. Or if they don't like me, they're bad versus, hey, we just don't resonate.
Keri Nola (31:20.874)
We're not on the same frequency that for whatever reason, this doesn't gel. But one of the things that really helped me with this piece of healing in particular is I think that it was Alison Armstrong's work. She does a lot of relationship work and teaching men and women how to understand one another. And she was talking about like the biology of the feminine.
and being a woman is like we're wired for connection and for belonging. And anything that we believe or sense will threaten that feels like we have to override that biological urge to fit in, to belong. And nowadays, know, many women, we have our own resources. We're making our own money, depending on, you know, how you're organizing your life. But back in the day when we didn't.
have our own resources and we needed to be in the good graces of men, community, whatever. Certain decisions needed to be made accordingly. I think one, just normalizing, like, yeah, I like to be liked. I like to belong. It feels vulnerable. But then also feeling into what's the actual risk if that person doesn't like me or that person thinks I'm too loud, too much, they don't agree with me.
but it takes some training to be able to stay in our body and to source our safety from within, but also from, you know, the spirit realm and the earth versus from other people.
took a long time for me to learn. So if anybody is out there who was feeling the same way, I'm sure you will get there. It just takes time. That's all.
Keri Nola (33:02.612)
And I'm still learning it. You know, there's things that are easier for me to tolerate and breathe into and there's some moments where it just feels like too much. It just feels like too much and then you just sit with that and feel into it. And sometimes I still choose smallness because the other feels just too overwhelming and then I have an opportunity to practice again. So a lot of this is just about awareness. Can you find the places where you're still shrinking or
abandoning yourself and can you find the places where you feel safe to stand out and then just continue to practice over time bridging that gap and using tools like inner child work and yeah, breath work and nervous system regulation to help live in a body that feels safe enough to be itself.
love that you brought it back to that because it's so true that we're not perfect and healing isn't linear. So just because you have taken these steps forward does not mean that you are always going to act that way. Just because I, in most cases, feel confident in myself does not mean that I'm not going to feel confident. But like you said, it's a practice. So it's a learning opportunity that
I can step back in those moments and be like, what exactly was it about that situation that made me feel not confident or made me feel like I had to shrink and then becoming aware, like you said, and we can choose differently next time. I know that you have your shadow deck with you.
Yeah.
Keri Nola (34:41.614)
Exactly.
Keri Nola (34:46.862)
Thank you.
And I feel like this is the perfect opportunity if you would like to pull a card or two or however you would like to do this.
Sure. So I birthed the messages from Shadow Oracle Deck and Healing System almost 10 years ago now. And she's here with me. And I'm excited to share it. For people who are new to shadow work or afraid to dive in, I find this to be a really powerful way to identify potential shadow patterns. And then also, it comes with a guide booklet to ask you questions to help.
go into that place. I'm going to do a reading for the listeners and I'd love to pick two cards. I'm going to shuffle the deck and ask that the energy of your audience be infused into these cards. And then I'll pick two and as you're listening, I want you to feel into whether the message from card number one or card number two is meant for you. Kind of prioritizing as
a shadow that you need to look at right now. And then we will, yeah, do some healing around it. So, okay. And I just also want to say these cards were born, remember that time I mentioned at the beginning when I was just suffering in physical pain and not yet acknowledging that I needed to retire my psychotherapy license and close the practice and move. And I was looking to all of these tools.
Keri Nola (36:21.268)
Oracle card decks and different things and they kept telling me everything's great, you're on track. And I'm like, well, then why does my life feel like crap? I like, yes, at the larger scheme of things, I know everything's going to work out and be fine. But like, I need more guidance, like, please point me to something that I need to see right now that would help me like, understand what I'm missing. And
I was in meditation one day and all of a sudden I started getting all of these words, control and abandonment and manipulation. And I'm like, what is going on here? And I knew I needed to write them down. And 33 words came through, which ended up being the shadow frequencies of the deck. And it was, at that time I wasn't really doing much intuitive or energy work. I was working quite traditionally as a psychotherapist and
I was like, this isn't mine to do. Like, I'm not, you know, it just felt so different than my traditional license. And they said, well, this doesn't exist because it's yours, it's yours to do. Like, that's why we gave it to you. So that was another part of, a lot of our pain too comes from because we need to upgrade our identity and see ourselves more wholly because we're only seeing ourselves as a mother or a partner or.
this for our job, but there might be another path that's trying to open that this work can help open up. So, okay, everyone take a breath. I have two cards here, both very powerful energies that are ready to clear and open for you. So just listen to whether number one or two is meant for you and just hold that number in your awareness and I'll go through them one by one.
So the first card, do you wanna share your number Jess or do you wanna keep that to yourself?
Jess Vanrose (38:17.432)
I will share. I'm feeling two, which is interesting because I never choose even numbers.
Okay, well, wait till you see it. You're gonna know why. It's gonna make all the sense in a minute. The little bit I know about you and what you've shared already. So we'll do number one first. And this is the shadow of prostitution. So don't be freaked. I'll give you some more. So the energy of prostitution is about uneven exchange, right? It's about selling yourself out for
something that you're getting the short end of the stick, right? You're taking less than you deserve. And all of the cards resonate with a particular chakra or energy center. So this particular energy clears in the sacral chakra, the womb space, under the belly button. And this is about receiving. This is about knowing what you're worthy of receiving and being able to let that in.
So there's a healing mantra that goes with each card and I'd like to share the mantra for this card. And as you say it, you begin to reorganize this energy and let this pattern clear out of your system. And also to take responsibility for where are you saying yes when you mean no? Where are you saying no when you mean yes? Like how are you not being in right relationship with what
is actually meant for you. And here's the healing mantra. I am worthy of being in balanced relationship with giving and receiving in a way that deeply resonates with the full essence of me.
Jess Vanrose (40:05.454)
That's beautiful.
I love that for the listeners that resonate with this. I'm going to read a little bit from the booklet. This card comes to invite you to notice where you are exchanging one of your gifts, abilities, or resources for something that doesn't resonate with you.
Yeah, that is definitely a powerful message. I love that.
Yeah. This part wants to be said too. Perhaps you are doing work that isn't your calling or staying in a relationship that is over or saying yes when you mean no. Now is the moment to listen to the whispers within. You know where the energy is playing out. Are you willing to admit to yourself where you're selling yourself out and consider other options that would honor you more completely? So.
Keri, I have a feeling that if you would have asked me this a month ago, I probably would have chosen that card.
Keri Nola (40:59.47)
Absolutely. You've already illuminated this shadow, so you didn't need to receive that one. But wait till the next one. You're going to love it. Okay. Shall we dive in? Okay. So card number two is the Shadow of Power. The Shadow of Power. This clears in the solar plexus, the upper belly area. This is about really claiming our essence. Now the thing I like to surprise people with with this shadow is
I'm ready.
Keri Nola (41:29.46)
We think about the shadow of power usually as abusing power, right? So we don't think of ourselves as abusing our power because we're usually trying to be kind to people and not, you know, abuse or hurt anybody. However, did you know that it's also an abuse or misuse of your power to minimize who you are and how potent and what a big deal you are?
Okay. So that usually blows the minds of, you know, most of the people that I'm talking to and working with and introducing this body of work to are great people. You know, you're doing your work, you're being self-aware, you're learning, you're growing. Of course, you know, you screw up here and there, you ask for forgiveness, you forgive yourself. We're not making any egregious offenses. But I want you to know that it is a pretty egregious offense against yourself when you have a bigger life to live.
you have more like available to you and you're not letting it, you're not admitting it, you're not letting it in. So this is a power upgrade for those of us that resonated with number two and especially for women, I'm seeing this more and more now, like we are, it's time for us to step into our power to admit, you know, what we're here to offer, how we came here to serve.
what creations want to move through us and out into the world. And as we're seeing the world right now, I think we're noticing that it's time. Like there's no more like waiting on the sidelines, maybe later somebody else will do it. It's like, no, if you came here to do something and to be something, now is a perfect moment to really harness that energy and let yourself do it. And I wanna share the healing mantra for this card as well. I am worthy of standing firmly.
in the truth of who I am. This is the home of my divine power.
Jess Vanrose (43:30.422)
yeah, this is exactly what I am working through right now. But can you read that one more time?
Absolutely, absolutely. And I can give these to you to put in the show notes so that listeners have this available to journal on and work with. yeah, I am worthy of standing firmly in the truth of who I am. This is the home of my divine power.
That's incredible. I absolutely love that. Thank you so much for sharing that.
You're so welcome. Thank you for being receptive. And I, you know, it's never a mistake what cards come through. I love that we've been talking about receiving and blocks and the two, both of these cards clear in the belly, you know, in the womb space. And, you know, there's this shaman that I work with does this gorgeous womb healing. And one of the lines is like, my womb is not a place to store fear or shame.
And a lot of times, because of things we've experienced, we do harbor shame about who we are, shame about what we have or haven't done or what has or hasn't been done to us. And we're afraid of living and being full out. So working with these mantras helps to let that energy thaw, as you would mention that word at the beginning, and just dissolve.
Keri Nola (44:55.936)
and to let more of your essence to expand and move into the space of your energy center so you are more receptive and magnetic to life and what is meant for you and you do feel safer to be more fully expressed in your relationships and your life.
Yeah, I love that. So this kind of ties in for someone just beginning to engage with their shadow. What's one gentle journal prompt that they could try?
How did you know journal prompts are like my whole heart? I love it. Thank you. All right. I'm not just going to do this randomly. I'd like give one off the cuff. I'm going to listen to like what would bless your listeners most. So give me a minute here. If I knew I could trust what would be revealed, I would be willing to open myself to. To me, it's like a permission statement. like, it's just saying I'm here for the work. I'm open to seeing what needs to be.
And a flip of that is, so that's a beautiful way to like get information out of yourself. But one of the things that I say in my circles is I'm willing to see what I need to see, hear what it's time to hear, feel what I'm ready to feel, and heal what is prioritizing for healing. And it's just this declaration that says I'm joining with the
energy of life and I'm devoting myself to what needs to be done. I give permission.
Jess Vanrose (46:32.758)
Yes, that was beautiful. I will also put that in the show notes so that anybody listening can journal on that because that was, that felt precious. was meant for, it was meant for us right now.
Every space has an energy and I can feel just the quality of your listeners. And the word I hear is just ready. Like I feel a readiness. know, there might be fear, but there's curiosity, there's readiness. And sometimes, you know, that's probably why you're listening today if you're hearing this is when we're ready, the information appears. We feel inclined to hit play on something. Maybe you're always listening to Jess's show or maybe this is your...
first or second time, but I don't think things are random and resources show up when we're ready to receive them.
I want to shift a little bit. You teach that receptivity is the precursor to abundance. What's the difference between just receiving and being truly receptive?
Mm, I love it. To me, the difference is receptivity is non-preferential. It means that I'm not like, like I receive like a gift that gets delivered and you let it in and you let it bless you in the ways that it's meant to bless you versus like, no, no, no, no. And this doesn't mean we don't have boundaries.
Keri Nola (48:09.728)
It doesn't mean that we're just tolerating nonsense. That's not what I mean. mean, letting life bless you and being open and trusting that even the things that might not feel great in the moment, that they didn't come by accident and there's a rhyme, there's a reason and really being open to life, letting life work its way through us. To me, that's receptivity.
Another way that I would put this is the difference between receiving and taking. Taking is like, you know, mine, like I am entitled. But receptivity is a very humble position. It's like I am so touched that there is so much here for me. I let life offer me its gifts that come through people and experiences.
You talk about mature manifestation. How does that look different from the typical manifestation practices we see everywhere?
It's actually what happens right before we share a desire or, you so let's say you want something, right? Maybe it's an amount of money or an upgrade in the relationship or something in your home or an experience. And typically those desires are coming from our ego, just like, want that. Like, give me this, I want that. That would make me feel better.
And there's nothing wrong with that. know, having human desires is a part of life and you need to be in touch with those. And it's a great practice to do that. What mature manifestation is, is making sure that what you're asking for is actually for you. So the precursor to the question is like, help me want what you want for me. Universe, God, divine, soul. like it's making sure that your requests
Keri Nola (50:11.35)
are actually going to fulfill you because you're asking for what is for you. So it's really just like a reuniting with what is actually for you. And I find people say, I don't know how to manifest or my manifesto is broken. It's like, whatever's in your reality, congrats, like you're a manifester, right? But.
Because we often have things that we don't like in our reality, we then judge. The other part of mature manifestation is are you creating your experience or not? you can't, it's only owning half of your power if you're like when things happen that you like or prefer, you think your manifestor's working and when things are happening that you don't like or prefer, now you're not a manifestor, right? The reality is we're always relating to life and our conscious mind is not the one
often doing the manifesting. It's like, no, I didn't want for that thing to hit my windshield when I was driving, but nonetheless it did. And it's not like we manifested, like we asked for that very thing to happen, but there's a lesson inside of that. There's something that our soul was, you know, whatever. And when we can start to look at life from that standpoint, like, how did I benefit from this? Why did this need to happen?
how did I participate in this happening? You start to take your power back and you feel that power and become a more active participant in your experience of reality.
Keri, I think that might be the biggest challenge is to accept that, I guess, accept responsibility in some way, that in some way we needed this to happen. So like, how do you suggest that for like those really hard times, you know, what is...
Jess Vanrose (52:09.186)
maybe a reframe or a way that somebody could think about that to be able to get the lesson out of it.
Yeah, part of this is timing too. When we're in the midst of the storm, it's not the moment to say to someone or to even necessarily say to yourself, this is a gift, I know I'm gonna be, because there can also be a spiritual bypass in that, like trying to use a spiritual principle to avoid the feeling of like, if you feel victimized by something, feel that through, like that's step one. Like I didn't like that.
I don't want that to happen to me. That person did me wrong. Feel those things. Those are truth as well. And then in order to heal, eventually you arrive at the moment where, and I would say curiosity is the best opening here, is I don't see it right now, but if this happened, needed to happen for some reason, I'm open to seeing that.
want to know more about what the blessings are here if there are any. So I would just say open the door, again giving permission for that to drop in and then just go about life and you you'll probably be surprised at like if that didn't happen then I wouldn't have met that person or that wouldn't you know it's like it all yeah it all starts to come together.
Like in the future, I'm sure we've all had moments where like right now we can look back and be like, my gosh, like I didn't know why that happened then and it sucked, it really sucked. But now looking back, I can totally see why this needed to happen. I love that approach of curiosity. I think that's, it feels like a...
Jess Vanrose (54:08.162)
The word that's coming to my mind is safe. feels like a safe approach to it.
Yeah, I'm not a fan of like affirmations that we don't believe or forcing ourselves to like buy something that doesn't feel true. So I think curiosity is a nice way to meet ourselves where we are. If there is a blessing here, I'd like to see it. But there's almost a little bit of skepticism, a little like I'm not sure yet, but there's opening. And opening creates receptivity, right? We have to be receptive to get information, to get resources. So that...
opens the door.
I feel like especially with trauma, you really close, like you close your heart and kind of just your life in general because we go into survival mode and we're so focused on literally just surviving and it is so powerful and such a heartbreakingly beautiful moment when you
can open your heart again. I wonder if maybe you have anything more that you could share about being able to open your heart.
Keri Nola (55:25.112)
I think it's one of the most revolutionary choices we ever make when we're so hurt and we choose to open again. For me, this is permission to move slowly, permission to acknowledge that it is closed and taking responsibility that it is a choice. You chose consciously or unconsciously to close your heart for protection and that was smart.
It was wise, it was necessary, and we honor that. And living with a closed heart isn't helping us anymore, right? It's hurting us. It's an expensive choice to make, and you have a right to make it. But if you want to experience more or different life, that choice to open again. Even though, what I'm hearing is even though I'm scared, I'm willing.
to slowly, one breath at a time, practice opening and noticing who it's safe to open around, who holds you tenderly when you're in that vulnerable space.
I think that's really beautiful and when I said heartbreaking I feel like it's like when it happened it was like my heart just cracked open. You know like it doesn't at least for me it did not feel like like a soft moment it felt like like I literally had armor or a shell around my heart that cracked open.
And just everything came pouring out, just overflowing emotions.
Keri Nola (57:03.51)
Yes. yeah, healing isn't always easy, pretty, feel good, and the rewards on the other side of an opening like that, you know. And it can also be physically painful. Like sometimes when I've been in grief or heartbreak, heartache, or I'm excavating another layer of my heart, because there's always more. There's always another. It's not just open or closed. It's like this little part's open, but this one's protected. you know, I've felt physical discomfort and
sensation and the heart's always talking.
You hold profound space for others. What is the inner work you continue to do behind the scenes to keep yourself open and receptive?
Gorgeous question. I love that you know that I'm doing things behind the scenes. find it, for me, it's not optional to like opt out of my own work while I'm holding other people. To me, it's an ethical responsibility to continue to go deeper into my own spaces. And so I do that in a lot of ways. I have my own like personal practices of shadow work and...
I do a lot of body work and somatic work. Currently, I'm doing a lot of ancestral healing, working with frequency and sound. And yeah, it's like a combination of physical, energetic. And so I have several practitioners that work with my body, my mind, my spirit. I typically try to stay a step or two ahead of those I'm serving.
Keri Nola (58:43.264)
so that they can trust the container that I hold and that there's not gonna be something that they bring up that's going to throw me off. It's like, I've got you, I've got this. I've walked that terrain and I know that spot and I can meet you there and we can do this.
So, Keri, our final question. What does life after trauma mean to you?
It just means liberation. It means connection and fulfillment and safety. feel like there's always more layers of trauma to uncover and to heal. But I feel like when we face any aspect of a trauma or, know, our life is traumatic, but the birth process is traumatic. So none of us are trauma free. It's just liberating ourselves from
the ways that we are bound by the beliefs and the, you know, the wounding that comes on the other side of that.
Thank you so much for being here. Do you want to share with the listeners how they can find you and work with you?
Keri Nola (59:55.608)
Sure, yeah. KariNola.com is my hub. I re-birthed my website several months ago, so it's the latest of all of my offerings. I have several free things. I have just a range of different offerings. if you were touched by anything that we did here today, I do personal shadow card readings that might be interesting for listeners. I have sole purpose reports and...
my money date journal for receptivity financially. So lots of fun over there.
Yeah, that sounds amazing. I will have it linked in the show notes for everybody to easily reference and access. Thank you again so much, Keri, for being here. This has been absolutely wonderful. I just really appreciate the work that you are doing and the space that you hold for women and for people who really need it.
Thank you so much. It's wonderful to be here with you. I appreciate your thoughtful questions and just the opportunity to share with your listeners.
